5. Not All Same-Sex Kisses Are Gay
I’m not the first person to point this issue out, but it still deserves to be addressed here anyway: This is some fucking hypocrisy. When two men are dared to kiss, it warrants interrogation and condemnation, but when two women are dared to kiss, holla!!! Someone’s got to tell Keith and Denzel that just because something doesn’t give them a boner, that doesn’t make it gross for everyone.  
When Mirjana and Kari make out during a game of Truth or Dare, each of their love interests - just days after displaying minimal tolerance for a Matthew and Will kiss - are overjoyed at the scene. None of them seem the least bit concerned that either girl is now gay even though, by Mirjana’s own logic, she is at least bisexual after this smooch. 
It’s all the more infuriating when Matthew and Will are paired to kiss/bite each other during the commercial shoot and Denzel runs his mouth again. 

"I mean, I’m all for modeling, but I don’t want to be with a man," says Denzel. "There’s certain things I don’t think my body is capable of even if I tried."
No one asked, Denzel, but thanks for clarifying. Good to know he’s straight. Denzel is sooo straight… (audience: “How straight is he?!”)… Denzel is so straight that he:
won’t look up “gavel” in the dictionary because it might be on the same page as “gay.”
says “no homo” after every sentence he says - even those that don’t sound remotely suggestive - to remind people that he is not, in fact, homosexual.
only booches in an extremely masculine manner.
Would he really not be able to allow his lips to touch another man’s “even if he tried”? Doubt it - seems pretty easy, there’s no heterosexual forcefield that would get in the way of that if he actually tried. The one thing we know his body truly isn’t capable of is growing a beard, and that hasn’t stopped him gluing fake hair to his face. That can’t possibly be a better idea than putting his lips on a dude. 
Bisexual Mirjana explains that she has a deep “mental” connection with Straight Denzel. The less we say about the Line App, the better, but I do think the fact that Mirjana is able to have a conversation with Denzel entirely with stickers speaks to why they connect mentally. (Hint: they’re both dumb.)

Alas, stickers aren’t enough to reassure Denzel of his relationship with Mirjana when he watches her suck face with Keith for the commercial. Denzel even worries that Mirjana has feelings for Keith. Geez, Denzel, if you’re going to be jealous of somebody, how about that guy that Mirjana continues to refer to as her “boyfriend” back home? That makes a lot more sense, you know? 


Or you could just stare creepily when Mirjana is complimented on her chemistry with Keith. You really look like an alpha male now, dawg.
5 Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 5

5. Not All Same-Sex Kisses Are Gay

I’m not the first person to point this issue out, but it still deserves to be addressed here anyway: This is some fucking hypocrisy. When two men are dared to kiss, it warrants interrogation and condemnation, but when two women are dared to kiss, holla!!! Someone’s got to tell Keith and Denzel that just because something doesn’t give them a boner, that doesn’t make it gross for everyone.  

When Mirjana and Kari make out during a game of Truth or Dare, each of their love interests - just days after displaying minimal tolerance for a Matthew and Will kiss - are overjoyed at the scene. None of them seem the least bit concerned that either girl is now gay even though, by Mirjana’s own logic, she is at least bisexual after this smooch. 

It’s all the more infuriating when Matthew and Will are paired to kiss/bite each other during the commercial shoot and Denzel runs his mouth again. 

"I mean, I’m all for modeling, but I don’t want to be with a man," says Denzel. "There’s certain things I don’t think my body is capable of even if I tried."

No one asked, Denzel, but thanks for clarifying. Good to know he’s straight. Denzel is sooo straight… (audience: “How straight is he?!”)… Denzel is so straight that he:

  • won’t look up “gavel” in the dictionary because it might be on the same page as “gay.”
  • says “no homo” after every sentence he says - even those that don’t sound remotely suggestive - to remind people that he is not, in fact, homosexual.
  • only booches in an extremely masculine manner.

Would he really not be able to allow his lips to touch another man’s “even if he tried”? Doubt it - seems pretty easy, there’s no heterosexual forcefield that would get in the way of that if he actually tried. The one thing we know his body truly isn’t capable of is growing a beard, and that hasn’t stopped him gluing fake hair to his face. That can’t possibly be a better idea than putting his lips on a dude. 

Bisexual Mirjana explains that she has a deep “mental” connection with Straight Denzel. The less we say about the Line App, the better, but I do think the fact that Mirjana is able to have a conversation with Denzel entirely with stickers speaks to why they connect mentally. (Hint: they’re both dumb.)

Alas, stickers aren’t enough to reassure Denzel of his relationship with Mirjana when he watches her suck face with Keith for the commercial. Denzel even worries that Mirjana has feelings for Keith. Geez, Denzel, if you’re going to be jealous of somebody, how about that guy that Mirjana continues to refer to as her “boyfriend” back home? That makes a lot more sense, you know? 

Or you could just stare creepily when Mirjana is complimented on her chemistry with Keith. You really look like an alpha male now, dawg.

5 Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 5

I laugh at this blog everyday, I wish you could do this forever. Too bad the show's probalby going to get cancelled...
Anonymous

SOS - SAVE OUR SHOW!

Y’all, this is for real. I’ve looked at the ratings and they are bad. Like really really bad - the worst it’s ever been. I think there is a very strong chance this will wind up being our last cycle.

That’s a shame because this show is amazing. Yeah, I make fun of it relentlessly, but I love engaging with the show. There’s no reality TV show that makes me chuckle quite like this one. The editors are straight up hitting it out of the park the way they’re putting this show together lately. [If you work in post on ANTM, please say hello - I love you.]

If we want the madness to continue, we need to do our part. Tell your friends how hilarious this show is. I brought it up with some friends this weekend and their responses were, “Is that show even still on?” “That show can’t be any good” and “I don’t give a shit about modeling.” To which I responded “It is still on, it is not necessarily ‘good’ but it is super entertaining, and this show is far from a serious modeling competition.”

You’re not going to hook many new people with the modeling competition angle. Instead, tell ‘em why we actually love this show. Tell ‘em about Tyra covering the house with pictures of herself. Tell ‘em about silly string runways. Tell ‘em about DNA spit tests. Tell ‘em about Tyra obsessing over some guy’s “manaconda.” Tell ‘em about a witch casting spells on his competitors. Tell ‘em about the beard weave. I did this and people were like “Okay, fuck, I have to watch this show.” 

I often get kind messages from people who says they started watching the show (or restarted watching the show) just because of my blog. So thanks to you readers/fans of the show who reblog these posts and help spread the word to outside audiences. I’ve added some Facebook share/tweet links to the bottom of each post (I think? Coding is confusing) to make it easier to share these posts with new people, too. The more people who realize how hilarious ANTM is these days, the more that will watch and keep it on the air, I figure.

I’m sure it also helps when you watch the show on Hulu and CWTV.com since they can count how many people are tuning in (and watching the ads) via that as well. I’m not ready for this to end!

1. The Beard Weave

Beard weave…

Beard weave.

BEARD WEAVE!!

Really, all I have to do is write the phrase “beard weave,” attach a picture, and call it a day - you’ll still think this is the funniest post ever. We’ll try to hash this “makeover” out a little bit, but… yeah. Beard weave is really the extent of the joke. And it will always be a joke.

Basically, Tyra has committed a hate crime against Denzel. You don’t glue fake hair to a man’s face if you respect him, and you certainly don’t do that if you want to see him succeed in the modeling business. She is straight up fucking with him right now, and a real alpha male wouldn’t stand for this. Maybe this beard is karma for all of those unnecessary alpha male references. A real man would have a thick beard, right Denzel? Well here you go, mister!

The night before makeovers, one lucky model gets to find out his or her makeover in advance. I doubt ANTM wanted Denzel to be the winner because that seems like the one makeover that would have the guys nervous, but Denzel acts elated at the news.

That was Denzel’s cue to run the fuck away from this show and never look back. After his decision to stay and take it on the chin - quite literally - it’s hard to feel too much remorse for him. If it looks anything better than that puppet from Team America who glued a “beard” to his face, he’ll be lucky.

What a style icon!

Speaking of icon, the reviews are in, and Denzel looks like “a black Lincoln” apparently.

That’s exceedingly generous, but it is about time we had our first beard weave president, no? Progress, America!

The strangest thing of all is that NOT ONE MODEL says a bad word about this absurd hair piece the whole episode. It’s just accepted without question. What alternative universe are we living in?! Romeo should have at least taken credit for causing this disgustingness via a spell.

Oddly enough, even Mirjana seems to find it attractive. She thinks it enhances his “manliness.”

It’s too bad she has a boyfriend because… oh, who are we kidding, Mirjana’s still going to hook up with Denzel in the shower. They even have a safe sex talk first:

Ahh, modern love!

Anyway, I’ve gone from not caring either way about Denzel to hoping he makes it a long time because, frankly, I’m not going to get tired of this beard weave. It’s probably just going to be the #1 item on this countdown each week (“Did you notice Denzel’s beard weave again? HAHAHAHAHA.”) 

Without acknowledging that it looks ridiculous, Tyra promises to re-do Denzel’s beard weave next week because it’s not the way she wants it to look. The thing about a beard weave is that THERE IS NO VARIATION ON A BEARD WEAVE THAT WILL LOOK EVEN A LITTLE BIT OKAY. I can’t wait to see what new shape his face fur will take on. 

6 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

2. The Door-to-Door Salesman and the Alien Stripper
After winning best photo last week, Keith seems more excited by a certain compliment that Tyra paid him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Keith. Tyra talking about your enormous dick made your dick even more enormous. We get it! 
Keith’s victory means that he and Kari get to explore their showmance further with some more nights in the Tyra Suite. Kari explains that Keith might encounter some trouble in bed, though:

She’s talking about her hymen, right? Men have tried and failed to penetrate it before, but then she might be underestimating the strength of the manaconda. 
The duo also gets rewarded with some edible treats at the photo shoot. 

I’m not saying Keith would be a selfish lover, but he DID just eat all the chocolate off that strawberry.
Everything seems to be going great for them both until makeovers strike and Tyra does Kari dirty.

This is not a good look for her! Assuming that Kari is attractive because of her odd features, why would you go distract from them with some bleach blonde craziness? She cries because she thinks look cheap, and she’s not wrong. Even Keith admits that his love interest looks like a stripper… not that he minds!
Meanwhile, Keith receives no makeover and is happy that people like him the way he is: 

Um, okay. It’s not like they could have done anything with his already buzzed hair, anyway. He’s just lucky that he dodges the beard weave bullet. Maybe they could have done something to change up his best feature, though… a circumcision perhaps?
Keith’s cock, err, cockiness, gets him in trouble at panel when he shows up dressed in a suit yet again. Kelly Cutrone accurately compares him to a door-to-door salesman. (“Honey, there’s a solicitor at the door… and he’s ringing our doorbell without his hands!”) Tyra, meanwhile thinks he’s a guy trying to look like a gentleman when he picks up a girl at her parents’ house…

Whichever analogy you prefer, it’s true that Keith needs a wardrobe makeover. Almost as desperately as Kari needs a make-under. Tyra tries to boost Kari’s confidence by comparing her to an alien. You know, just the words that any young woman wants to hear!

When Tyra says she gets the same comparison, Kari, who has clearly visited an ANTM message board at some point, very plainly says, “Yeah.” No, “You look great, Tyra!” Just “Yeah.”

"That’s a compliment when you’re a model," Tyra says. Whatever gets you through the night, Tyra! 
6 Funniest Moments fo ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

2. The Door-to-Door Salesman and the Alien Stripper

After winning best photo last week, Keith seems more excited by a certain compliment that Tyra paid him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Keith. Tyra talking about your enormous dick made your dick even more enormous. We get it! 

Keith’s victory means that he and Kari get to explore their showmance further with some more nights in the Tyra Suite. Kari explains that Keith might encounter some trouble in bed, though:

She’s talking about her hymen, right? Men have tried and failed to penetrate it before, but then she might be underestimating the strength of the manaconda. 

The duo also gets rewarded with some edible treats at the photo shoot. 

I’m not saying Keith would be a selfish lover, but he DID just eat all the chocolate off that strawberry.

Everything seems to be going great for them both until makeovers strike and Tyra does Kari dirty.

This is not a good look for her! Assuming that Kari is attractive because of her odd features, why would you go distract from them with some bleach blonde craziness? She cries because she thinks look cheap, and she’s not wrong. Even Keith admits that his love interest looks like a stripper… not that he minds!

Meanwhile, Keith receives no makeover and is happy that people like him the way he is: 

Um, okay. It’s not like they could have done anything with his already buzzed hair, anyway. He’s just lucky that he dodges the beard weave bullet. Maybe they could have done something to change up his best feature, though… a circumcision perhaps?

Keith’s cock, err, cockiness, gets him in trouble at panel when he shows up dressed in a suit yet again. Kelly Cutrone accurately compares him to a door-to-door salesman. (“Honey, there’s a solicitor at the door… and he’s ringing our doorbell without his hands!”) Tyra, meanwhile thinks he’s a guy trying to look like a gentleman when he picks up a girl at her parents’ house…

Whichever analogy you prefer, it’s true that Keith needs a wardrobe makeover. Almost as desperately as Kari needs a make-under. Tyra tries to boost Kari’s confidence by comparing her to an alien. You know, just the words that any young woman wants to hear!

When Tyra says she gets the same comparison, Kari, who has clearly visited an ANTM message board at some point, very plainly says, “Yeah.” No, “You look great, Tyra!” Just “Yeah.”

"That’s a compliment when you’re a model," Tyra says. Whatever gets you through the night, Tyra! 

6 Funniest Moments fo ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

3. The Love Pentagon
Fuck that love triangle nonsense, we’ve got a LOVE PENTAGON going on! (A pentagon, by the way, is like a pentagram, but less terrifying.) There’s Mirjana, her unnamed boyfriend, Matthew, Denzel, and Will; things are so crazy that any two of those five are liable to french with each other without notice.
After Mirjana dissed him in front of the judges, Matthew admits he feels like a fool. He says that their non-existent relationship is now officially over and Mirjana says:

Wait, doesn’t she mean to say that she already IS doing better? ‘Cause, like, she has a boyfriend back home. Nope, she really does mean CAN do better, because she wastes no time flirting hardcore with Denzel. 
Matthew looks a little hurt by this development, but he’s still not nearly as upset as Will. Will, it seems, has a bit of a crush of his own on Matthew, and he is offended on Matthew’s behalf that someone would reject him.

In truth, Mirjana leaving Matthew "very single and very ready to mingle" is good news for Will. Even better news? Matthew thinks Will is - and I quote - “a beautiful dude.”
Lenox, meanwhile, is loving watching this mess go down. 

Lenox may not be involved in any drama, but if she keeps taking good photos and serving up one or two sassy confessionals per episode, Lenox and I are going to get along just fine. 
At night, everyone gets wasted. Like THIS kind of wasted:

It’s a super boozy night for everyone, except for Adam, for whom it’s an average night, I guess. While Denzel gets steamy with Mirjana in the shower, Matthew finds comfort elsewhere… specifically Will’s lips.
Before we continue, I’ve read people freaking out about CW being “homophobic” for not showing the kiss, but come on, they probably just didn’t capture it on film. ANTM is easily the queerest show on network TV; a show that brings us someone like Miss J isn’t going to shy away from a same-sex smooch. 
Also, I’ve gotten some messages asking if I knew this kiss was coming since I called Matthew gay last week. No, that was just a dumb joke I made intentionally taking a quote of Matthew’s out of context. I was as surprised by the kiss as anyone.  
Well, maybe not as surprised as Mirjana and Denzel, 2/5 of the Love Pentagon, who seem unnecessarily concerned about the kiss. They call Matthew gay a bunch of times, while pretending they’re not judging him, even though they are totally judging him. It’s almost as if they’re engaging in a witch hunt, which is all the more absurd considering there is a literal witch in the house trying to cast hexes on all of them. Like, go deal with someone who’s actually causing trouble!
At some level, Mirjana probably wants Matthew to be gay so she can feel less bad about playing him. To Matthew’s credit, he handles it like a champ. 

Okay, that sounds a little dumb, but I get his point. He also asserts his heterosexuality:

And now that might have been overstating his heterosexuality, but I’m living for Shei’s reaction. Regardless, Matthew never apologizes or seems ashamed of what happened. He doesn’t think of himself as gay, but he’s not going to worry whether anyone thinks differently.
No matter what Matthew says, however, some of the models can’t seem to wrap their head around the fact that he could kiss a guy and not have it be sexual. If you went to college and never experienced a drunken same-sex kiss, you probably went to the wrong college. Don’t worry about that shit so much. Free your mind. “No labels.”
Later, Matthew laughs off the incident with Will:


Damn right! Besides, there’s no way a same-sex kiss is anywhere near as gross as a kiss where one person is giving the other person beard weave burn.
6 Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

3. The Love Pentagon

Fuck that love triangle nonsense, we’ve got a LOVE PENTAGON going on! (A pentagon, by the way, is like a pentagram, but less terrifying.) There’s Mirjana, her unnamed boyfriend, Matthew, Denzel, and Will; things are so crazy that any two of those five are liable to french with each other without notice.

After Mirjana dissed him in front of the judges, Matthew admits he feels like a fool. He says that their non-existent relationship is now officially over and Mirjana says:

Wait, doesn’t she mean to say that she already IS doing better? ‘Cause, like, she has a boyfriend back home. Nope, she really does mean CAN do better, because she wastes no time flirting hardcore with Denzel. 

Matthew looks a little hurt by this development, but he’s still not nearly as upset as Will. Will, it seems, has a bit of a crush of his own on Matthew, and he is offended on Matthew’s behalf that someone would reject him.

In truth, Mirjana leaving Matthew "very single and very ready to mingle" is good news for Will. Even better news? Matthew thinks Will is - and I quote - “a beautiful dude.”

Lenox, meanwhile, is loving watching this mess go down. 

Lenox may not be involved in any drama, but if she keeps taking good photos and serving up one or two sassy confessionals per episode, Lenox and I are going to get along just fine. 

At night, everyone gets wasted. Like THIS kind of wasted:

It’s a super boozy night for everyone, except for Adam, for whom it’s an average night, I guess. While Denzel gets steamy with Mirjana in the shower, Matthew finds comfort elsewhere… specifically Will’s lips.

Before we continue, I’ve read people freaking out about CW being “homophobic” for not showing the kiss, but come on, they probably just didn’t capture it on film. ANTM is easily the queerest show on network TV; a show that brings us someone like Miss J isn’t going to shy away from a same-sex smooch. 

Also, I’ve gotten some messages asking if I knew this kiss was coming since I called Matthew gay last week. No, that was just a dumb joke I made intentionally taking a quote of Matthew’s out of context. I was as surprised by the kiss as anyone.  

Well, maybe not as surprised as Mirjana and Denzel, 2/5 of the Love Pentagon, who seem unnecessarily concerned about the kiss. They call Matthew gay a bunch of times, while pretending they’re not judging him, even though they are totally judging him. It’s almost as if they’re engaging in a witch hunt, which is all the more absurd considering there is a literal witch in the house trying to cast hexes on all of them. Like, go deal with someone who’s actually causing trouble!

At some level, Mirjana probably wants Matthew to be gay so she can feel less bad about playing him. To Matthew’s credit, he handles it like a champ. 

Okay, that sounds a little dumb, but I get his point. He also asserts his heterosexuality:

And now that might have been overstating his heterosexuality, but I’m living for Shei’s reaction. Regardless, Matthew never apologizes or seems ashamed of what happened. He doesn’t think of himself as gay, but he’s not going to worry whether anyone thinks differently.

No matter what Matthew says, however, some of the models can’t seem to wrap their head around the fact that he could kiss a guy and not have it be sexual. If you went to college and never experienced a drunken same-sex kiss, you probably went to the wrong college. Don’t worry about that shit so much. Free your mind. “No labels.”

Later, Matthew laughs off the incident with Will:

Damn right! Besides, there’s no way a same-sex kiss is anywhere near as gross as a kiss where one person is giving the other person beard weave burn.

6 Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

4. A Day in the Park

For this week’s photo shoot, the models are asked to lay on their sides, but make it look like they’re standing upright. No offense, but most of the contestants have yet to prove they can look pose well and look natural while actually standing upright, so this concept was never going to work. 

It’s also pretty mean to have the models lay down on the ground at Pershing Square because - and I’m not kidding - that ground is covered in urine. Like many public parks in cities, Pershing Square becomes a popular hangout for homeless people. The asshole Los Angeles city officials desperately want this area to be a “fancy” park, though, so they always lock the nearby public restrooms to deter the homeless people from staying there. Instead, the homeless relieve themselves on the ground.

Oh, and one of the last times I walked through Pershing Square, I saw a strung out couple fucking against that purple wall you can see in the background of some of the photos. Hot.

image

Anyway, the models found this shoot really hard. Keith called it “more intense” than football training, which is a pretty good indication of why he was cut from multiple football teams

image

Chantelle is forced to suggestively straddle a tree. Somehow, it’s still only the second strangest sex-with-shrubbery ANTM photo of all time… it’ll take a lot to beat Kiara.

Romeo struggles to keep his legs levitating in the air (someone get this man a broomstick!) and the other models give him a lot of crap for it. Especially Adam, who compares Romeo to a “pregnant penguin.”

image

Far be it from me to point out to a man smart enough to score 1510 on his SATs that penguins lay eggs, but I think we should acknowledge that Adam’s “pregnant penguin” pose is actually better than what he served up in his own photo. 

image

Speaking of pregnant, Will’s photo is legitimately awesome this week, but Tyra does not like the look of his "boom boom boom." She says his stomach looks as if he is three months pregnant.

image

If Will’s flat stomach is three month’s pregnant, Tyra, then congratulations on the quintuplets you must be expecting!

image

Ben also deserves credit for a terrific photo, almost as much credit as I give Miss J for making a Forrest Gump reference (“Run, Ben, run!”) to him. Ben may seem like just a simple Iowa boy who sings about big booties, but he has the potential to start a shrimp company, become a pingpong champion, and maybe, just maybe, model. (More than anything, though, I want Ben’s socks.)

Things don’t go nearly as swimmingly for Denzel, however. Yu Tsai spends the whole shoot intentionally trying to aggravate Denzel, even saying, “It’s easier teaching my dog how to shit!” (Well, duh it was easier - you don’t have to teach a dog how to poop, that’s a pretty natural function.) Initially, Denzel simply curses Yu under his breath until Yu pushes harder to elicit a reaction:

image

Finally, Denzel chucks the bicycle in frustration.

image

And later Yu Tsai approaches Denzel to tell him that his behavior was unprofessional and that it’s Denzel’s job to keep his cool during shoots. Oh, FUCK OFF, Yu. We all saw you beg Denzel to get angry, don’t go reinventing the situation like you’re a victim again.

Next time, Denzel, throw that bike right at Yu’s head, please. 

6 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

5. He Can Spell, But He Can’t Read
Newsflash to Romeo: This witch shtick is pathetic. Even ADAM thinks you’re a joke!

Takes one to know one, I guess.
Adam’s not alone. “No one really likes Romeo,” says Keith. “He’s this satanic, Ouija board, Chucky doll who thinks he’s better than everyone else. I don’t like his energy. He’s a bitch.”
Not that Romeo would be bothered if he heard that straight to his face. He’s too busy reading a guide to witchcraft.

And by “reading,” I mean “looking at the pictures.” He is illiterate after all.


While everyone else is singing “Big Booty” like they’re at summer camp, Romeo is focusing on his arts and crafts:

Beautifully drawn pentagram, Romeo! He will require more supplies to finish those voodoo dolls, though. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the show declined to provide him with those materials… and that Romeo proceeded to collect the freshly trimmed hair from off the floor after the makeovers so he could make replicas of the contestants anyway.
However, I’m officially calling bullshit on him successfully casting his third consecutive elimination spell. Since he hates everybody, I’m pretty convinced that he’s giving confessionals about casting spells on each competitor and the show is just choosing whichever clip corresponds with whomever is going home. 

In past weeks, we’ve seen Romeo standing next to Chantelle and exchanging chummy glances with her. She is as much his friend as anyone is in that house, so she is hardly the person he would target next. That’s not to say that he’s not pretty awful to Chantelle, too, especially when he attempts to quote Yu Tsai’s critique about her borderline arrogance back to her.

I cannot stress this enough: do not ever quote Yu Tsai unless you are using those words to mock him. Repeating his words as if they are “sage advice” is embarrassing. He’s Confusing, not Confucius, so disregard his feedback. 
Poor Chantelle. Who would have thought she’d go home so early after being found by Tyra  Banks herself on social media [just thought I’d mention that here in case you missed the first 50 references to it]? One moment Chantelle’s confident she’ll be a finalist in the competition, and then, in an Instagram, she’s gone. 

Oh well. Don’t let anyone touch your hair on the way out, girl! And don’t think for even one second that Romeo’s “witchcraft” had anything to do with your departure.

Shut up, Cutrone.
6 Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4

5. He Can Spell, But He Can’t Read

Newsflash to Romeo: This witch shtick is pathetic. Even ADAM thinks you’re a joke!

Takes one to know one, I guess.

Adam’s not alone. “No one really likes Romeo,” says Keith. “He’s this satanic, Ouija board, Chucky doll who thinks he’s better than everyone else. I don’t like his energy. He’s a bitch.”

Not that Romeo would be bothered if he heard that straight to his face. He’s too busy reading a guide to witchcraft.

And by “reading,” I mean “looking at the pictures.” He is illiterate after all.

While everyone else is singing “Big Booty” like they’re at summer camp, Romeo is focusing on his arts and crafts:

Beautifully drawn pentagram, Romeo! He will require more supplies to finish those voodoo dolls, though. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the show declined to provide him with those materials… and that Romeo proceeded to collect the freshly trimmed hair from off the floor after the makeovers so he could make replicas of the contestants anyway.

However, I’m officially calling bullshit on him successfully casting his third consecutive elimination spell. Since he hates everybody, I’m pretty convinced that he’s giving confessionals about casting spells on each competitor and the show is just choosing whichever clip corresponds with whomever is going home. 

In past weeks, we’ve seen Romeo standing next to Chantelle and exchanging chummy glances with her. She is as much his friend as anyone is in that house, so she is hardly the person he would target next. That’s not to say that he’s not pretty awful to Chantelle, too, especially when he attempts to quote Yu Tsai’s critique about her borderline arrogance back to her.

I cannot stress this enough: do not ever quote Yu Tsai unless you are using those words to mock him. Repeating his words as if they are “sage advice” is embarrassing. He’s Confusing, not Confucius, so disregard his feedback. 

Poor Chantelle. Who would have thought she’d go home so early after being found by Tyra  Banks herself on social media [just thought I’d mention that here in case you missed the first 50 references to it]? One moment Chantelle’s confident she’ll be a finalist in the competition, and then, in an Instagram, she’s gone. 

Oh well. Don’t let anyone touch your hair on the way out, girl! And don’t think for even one second that Romeo’s “witchcraft” had anything to do with your departure.

Shut up, Cutrone.

6 Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 21 Episode 4